Effective Storytelling: How to Contain Your Story for Maximum Impact

Sledding is fun when you have a sled.

I grew up in northern New York State where one of the best seasons is sledding season. This tends to be on the front end of winter when the snow is fluffy and abundant, and the temperatures fluctuate enough to turn the fluffy snow into a slick runway. 

The most important equipment in sledding is a sled. This can be an expensive toboggan or it can be a sheet of cardboard, but the sledder needs a sled in order to “contain” the sledding event. And whether you are sledding by yourself or with another person, the sled “contains” you to ensure that you work together. Without it, there is no sledding. Sliding with no sled is chaos, and that is not what we are doing.

The container in sledding delivers the sledder from point A (top of the hill) to point B (bottom of the hill) in a way that is fun. It gives us an experience we can talk about later. We need the sled in order for any of this fun to happen. Storytelling is no different.

Essential Storytelling Techniques: The Three Rules of Containment

In order for a storytelling event to be identifiable, useful and enjoyable, we need to agree on a few things:

1. Who is involved?
2. When is it being offered?
3. Why is it being offered?

That is the container of the story: the agreed upon rules of the storytelling event. These things may seem obvious to anyone who has told or listened to a story, but when they are not clear or if the rules are broken, the storyteller will lose the listener. They stop listening, and then what is the point in telling a story?

Have you ever been in a situation where asks if you have 1 minute for a conversation and they are still talking 10 minutes later? You aren’t listening, instead you are strategizing how to get out of that situation.

Have you ever wanted to have a private conversation with someone and they invite someone else to listen without your agreement? 

Have you ever been lectured before you’ve had your morning coffee?

We don’t listen unless certain agreements have been made. This is the container of the story, and it is essential if you want your story to have any effect. 

Storytelling Tip #1: Know Your Audience

Whether you are having a quiet conversation or speaking to 300 people, it is important to be clear on who is going to listen to you. If you are not clear, then the listener will see that you don’t care who they are. They will immediately recognize that this is a canned bit of content that you spout wherever you go, rather than something you considered for specifically them. In other words, know your audience. Name them. They will feel it.

Storytelling Tip #2: Clarify Your Purpose

Make sure you are all there for the same reason. If someone comes to your story thinking you are going to teach then about botany and instead you are processing a hard conversation with your partner, they will not only stop listening, they will likely get angry. This is not what they signed up for. Integrity and trust is built on you doing what you said you were going to do, so a storyteller’s effectiveness is contingent on the storyteller and listener agreeing on what is happening. 

This doesn’t mean their can’t be surprises and asides, but the listener will feel whether or not the storyteller knows what they are doing. When the storyteller is clear about why they are telling a story, it projects clarity and confidence to the listener. These qualities help a listener relax and enjoy the story. 

Storytelling Tip #3: Respect Your Audience's Time

Time is valuable to everyone. Even someone who has all the time in the world will suddenly feel betrayed if they are not respected. If a lecturer goes past the agreed 45 minute presentation, people will begin to get uncomfortable. When the expectation is that a speech will begin at 5 PM and it gets to be 5:15, people get impatient. 

People have plans. They have given you a span of their day to listen to you. If you say it is a 20 minute story, make sure it doesn’t go a minute longer. If you tell them when you are going to start, then be prompt. This is exponential in developing trust, and people will not only listen to someone trustworthy, but they are open to being inspired, motivated, and transformed. 

If you know why you are telling a story, and are clear about who you are telling it to, and you are respectful of their time and attention, you can have a profound effect on a room full of people with one story. 

How to Adapt Your Storytelling When Circumstances Change

What if someone does enter the conversation that you were not expecting?

What if you get to the end of your lecture and you haven’t given the most important information?

What if there is a fire alarm and your presentation needs to start later than planned?

What if something unexpected happens in the world that informs the topic of your story?

These things happen all the time and we can’t be expected to keep to the agreement come hell or high water. In fact, the listener won’t trust or listen to you if you are not living in reality and can see that the situation has changed. 

The Art of Re-Containment: Adjusting Your Story in Real-Time

What this means is that you elegantly and efficiently redefine the agreement to meet the change of circumstances. So if someone enters into a conversation that you weren’t expecting, you stop the conversation and clearly agree to talk later or ask if it is appropriate for the newcomer to participate. This gives everyone a chance to re-orient.

If you need more time for your presentation, you can ask for it. Or you can say that you know you are at the end and there is still more, so you’ll send it to them. The important part is not to assume it is ok to demand more of their time without their permission. Get the permission first. 

If your event isn’t starting on time, then acknowledge the change and make a deal with your listener. Find another time, go long, make the meeting shorter, whatever you do, make sure everyone is on board.

I have prepared many stories, lectures, keynotes, and workshops only to find that a tragic event, or something in the news, has just been broadcast. Depending on the situation, I am clear with my listener than I am either making a change to my offering, or am continuing with my offering with consideration. Either way, they know that I am living in the same reality they are living, and again—they can trust me. 

Audience Engagement: Why Storytelling is Relational

It is a relational art that asks for both the storyteller and the listener to fully participate. Even when it seems like a one-way exchange of content, a true storyteller will always be present, attend the people in the room, and make adjustments accordingly. This is of the highest currency to the listener. When they are seen and acknowledged, even if they are only one of hundreds in the same room, they will trust you, listen to you and be willing to transform. 

Why else are you telling a story?