Storytelling Restores Connection

Things are broken.

Restorative Storytelling mends what is broken, and we live in a very broken time. The government is clearly broken—this is the one thing the various sides agree is true. Our education system is broken—parents are unhappy, teachers are unhappy, administrators are unhappy and students are confused. Healthcare is broken—we pay out the nose for insurance that doesn’t cover what we truly need. The arts are broken—music, film, tv, and visual arts are trained first and foremost on celebrities and making money. Our relationships are broken—social media has told us to look for something impossible. Our brains are broken—our smartphones have narrowed our attention to clicks and likes. 

To be clear, I am not saying we have done anything wrong or that this brokenness is a sign of something bad. Like many people I believe the brokenness is a harbinger of change—big change, fundamental change. I believe we are ultimately moving into a new era of empathy, intuition and authentic collaboration—but first we need to let go of the old way of doing things. They served us and now it is time to let them go. The fact is, letting things go is messy and often painful. Even when we know something isn’t good for us, it is what we know, and we tend to cling to what we know.

Storytelling reconnects.

Restorative Storytelling is here to help us with this difficult transition. In the age of information, restorative storytelling shows us that we aren’t really looking for information. In the age of Artificial Intelligence, restorative storytelling shows us that we aren’t really looking for intelligence. In this age of multi-billionaires we see that we aren’t looking for money either. Or fame. Or longevity, to be honest. We aren’t. What we seek is re-connection.

Ask yourself what you want, and you will see that it is to connect with others. Why do you want money, fame, partnership, and health? You imagine wealth and fame feeling good, but how often have we made a lot of money or received a blast of attention and felt a little disappointed or confused? The lack of money, attention, love and health is actually a lack of feeling connected. Not having enough money means you aren’t able to join something. Not enough fame is exclusion. Being sick separates you from people. Arguments with our partner makes us feel alone. The bottom line is that we all want connection. We are actually desperate for it.

Individuality was needed.

In the past, stories have helped us create something new. Examine any war and you’ll find a story. All revolutions start with a story. Any adventure or conquest is the result of a story. Thousands of years ago, we were a part of the whole: we were a part of the whole planet and our whole species and then we developed a sense of individuality in order to evolve. We used creativity and critical thinking to build an incredible civilization, but the cost was a sense of isolation and loneliness. We did well, and now it is time to reconnect. 

The goal of Restorative Storytelling is to use every word, every sound, every impulse, and even our presence to restore connection.

We know that connection is a pleasant experience. The reconnection to the whole is deeply satisfying and something we all crave. Restorative storytelling is a route to feeling good, in a similar way that drinking a glass of water is satisfying. We learn to not only enjoy it but it feeds us. It gives us sustenance. 

We have been trained to think that the most important part of storytelling is the story, meaning the content of the story. We are told that storytelling is the most important part of changing hearts and minds, of making a sale, of getting the job—but all the attention is placed on the content, on what is said. In the “information age” this makes sense: we need to get our story straight. We need to have consistent branding and make sure the distributed memes and viral videos tell the tale we want. 

This is not true and it is easy to disprove.

We aren’t trained on content because it doesn’t work. We never listen to the whole story and more often than not we only attend the parts of the story that confirm our bias or hopes and dreams. We hear what we want to hear even when we “should” pay attention to the facts. We “should” be swayed by science and common sense, but no—over and over again we are more interested in the storyteller rather than the story. It is the connection we seek.

We want to be a part of something so much, we are willing to be inconsistent in our convictions and even our morals. We will preach kindness only to step on the toes of someone who offends us. Again, I am not saying this is bad—this is simply what is happening, and it is all toward the same end: to connect. We need to connect with others so badly, we are willing to destroy all we hold to be true and beautiful. 

This is why Restorative Storytelling has emerged as a clear and healthy practice.

It operates in the world as it is, rather than how we want it to be. The skills and tools of RS are here to help us get what we want by finding the things that tether us together and celebrating those things through story. 

It is a short and wondrous life. When you use your time to connect with others through storytelling, your life gets longer, time spreads out, and you get a glimpse of the heaven you have imagined your whole life but haven’t yet found. Let’s find it together.